A little bit of life, love, and artisan jewelry but mostly the
Home of the Confused Muse..
Where you will find the meadering thoughts of an actively artistic brain - as well as my latest creations, events, soapboxes, dramas, crisis, blessings, and life in general.
This is also the home of "ChrissyMarie Jewelry and Accessories", named for my daughter! Twenty-Five Percent of all sales from this line are donated to B.I.T.S. aka "Better in the Saddle", a local non-profit Equine Assisted Therapy Program ....because we KNOW horses help make miracles!
September 14, 2009
Today we talked about worry...how we worry, why we worry, when we worry, and how ridiculous it is in the "big picture" to worry at all. I've thought for a long time that worry - the very act of worry - is an insult to God.
For me, a natural born worry-wart, it's an art. I was born to worry! However, I learned an important lesson several years ago when both of my children were out of town, in situations outide of my control, and in the hands of people I really didn't know but had decided to trust. I asked God to take care of them, trusted Him to protect them, and then continued to worry anyway. It didn't work out very well.
Both of my children fell into seriously difficult situations at almost exactly the same time. Both were well beyond my physical reach to help or comfort them. I felt completely helpless and frustrated beyond imagination! I got angry....at God, the people I had trusted to care for them, and the people who were hurting my children. Two different cities, completely different circumstances, and all I could do was cry, worry, get angry, cry, worry some more, and get angrier. I even got angry with my husband because he could sleep and wasn't as frantic as I was. How could he possilby rest when our children were in trouble!
I reached a state of hysteria and finally had a little "come to Jesus" talk with God. I told him how disappointed I was in Him and how betrayed I felt because after all, I had entrusted my children to Him! I can only imagine how that must have been received and it grieves me to admit my lack of faith. I must have been out of my mind. In fact, I know I was. It was the first time I had ever felt truly abandoned by God...and the last.
The next day I started receiving phone calls from complete strangers offering help to my children. I was able to speak with each of my children and realized they felt a kind of buffer surrounding them. They felt God. He was with them and He was caring for them. Yes, they were still frightened and needed our help but truthfully, they were much more calm and in control than I. It was then I realized the fault was mine. I may have said I trusted God to care for my children and I may have asked Him to protect them but I didn't let go - really let go and let God do the job. I thought He needed my help. I thought I could do a better job! What foolish arrogance!
God doesn't like it when we worry. In fact, I really believe he's insulted by it. When we worry we're telling Him, "I don't trust you to take care of me, my family, my friends, my job, my life!" and then we turn around and insult Him even more by declaring our supreme abiltity to do all of these things better than He. Of course, when going through big drama it's hard to shrug and turn the burden over to anyone we don't fully trust to be singly capable of handling the job. We are always better at fixing these problems. There is a real irony in this thinking. If we're so great at handling our problems, how did they get to be problems at all and why aren't they already "fixed". Because God fixes things. Saying we trust God is easy. Actually giving it over to God, giving up all control, especially when it comes to our children, is the most difficult part of faith.
I asked God to forgive me for my arrogance and lack of faith, my harsh words, and my stupidity. I know He granted that request simply because I confessed and asked, but more importantly, because He loves me...even when I'm stupid and faithless and arrogant.
I've gotten better at letting go. I don't worry much anymore. I still have to fight the urge, the need to control, and the pride. I have to fight my natural instincts and that is what I believe faith is all about. It's believing you CAN let go even when your instincts and common sense tell you to hold on.
When my son was a little boy the movie "Cocktail" was in theatres. The music was all over local radio stations but I had never heard the songs...or maybe I was just too busy to listen. He came home from school one day and I heard him humming a tune I didn't recognize. When I asked him about it he just started singing the words. He knew each word but the most important were "Don't Worry, Be Happy!" I thought it was cute, funny and incredibly sweet.
I still hear those words in my head today but now I know just how true they are. I don't have the power to live this life alone. Now. Today. Tomorrow. I choose to live them and believe it is truly possible.
and I hear Him whisper......"Don't worry. Be happy."