A little bit of life, love, and artisan jewelry but mostly the

Home of the Confused Muse..

Where you will find the meadering thoughts of an actively artistic brain - as well as my latest creations, events, soapboxes, dramas, crisis, blessings, and life in general.

This is also the home of "ChrissyMarie Jewelry and Accessories", named for my daughter! Twenty-Five Percent of all sales from this line are donated to B.I.T.S. aka "Better in the Saddle", a local non-profit Equine Assisted Therapy Program ....because we KNOW horses help make miracles!


October 13, 2009

I am a “Dory”

A woman said this to me the other day..."You remind me of that little fish in the movie "Finding Nemo"...You know the one that can't remember anything.  She swims around in circles, lost but happy."

Wow, she's right! I am a "Dory". I watched a couple of YouTube clips and realized how much Dory and I have in common. 

I like Dory.  I liked her when the movie came out and I like her now that I can relate to her "condition" :)  She is smart little fish but she has a little "short term memory" problem. Hmmm, I know all about that.

Dory is happy in spite of her memory problems.  Me too.

I have always had A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder). Since the brain injury, it has become "A.D.D. on Steroids - but without the steroids", as my neurologist is fond of saying.  Take a little Vyvanse and I'm good to go...now if I could just remember where I was going and what I was going to do when I got there!

They say I have lost my "execution skills".  I didn't know I was ever capable of executing anyone!  Ahhh, not "Execution" but execution, as in executing a task, getting things done, arriving on time, planning and actually doing what I planned.  I get it now; I just can't DO anything about it.  ARGH!

Just when I thought I had things figured out, a new wrench shows up.  Now, I like tools. Tools are my friends, in fact, I'm kind of a tool junky... but I am not big on wrenches. 

Another thing I have forgotten.  Numbers.  Math was never my favorite subject but I managed to use it well enough to work as an office manager, home manager, family manager, and in my jewelry business. We use numbers everyday for most everything we do.  I had not really thought about this until I lost the ability to use or remember them.  Try spending one day without using numbers. Here's the catch: you must continue to track your money, tell time, remember a phone number, pay a bill, drive, schedule an appointment, order a prescription, cook, or any of the gazillion other tasks you perform each day. 

I can still DO math I just cannot remember the numbers needed to do the problem much less remember the answer long enough to use it.  So much for calculating ANYTHING in my head or using a calculator, that doesn't have a "print" option. I have a calendar application and a good old-fashioned notepad and pen...now if I could just remember how to access them it would be great!

Visual Memory: able to be perceived as a picture in the mind rather than as an abstract idea. In other words, the ability to recognize everyday things. You see it, you recognize it, and you know how to use it or at the very least, you can remember what it is or how it's used.  Examples: the coffee maker you use every day, your computer, cell phone or a traffic light. 

I have a little problem with my visual memory.  The examples above are the items that present the biggest challenges on a daily basis.  I must admit to running out to buy a cup of coffee when I cannot remember how to use my coffee maker.  My computer, thankfully, has a "mind" of its own and can pretty much run without my help unless it goes into sleep mode and I can't remember how to wake it up. 

My cell phone is my lifeline.  I use the calendar option, all the alarms, bells, whistles and ring tones it can offer just to keep me on track throughout the day. That is common in this age of technology. Using it to remind me to eat, take my medication, brush my teeth, leave the house for an appointment, make a phone call, wash a load of laundry, dry a load of laundry, etc., etc., etc.....My entire "life" is on that phone in the most literal sense of the word. When memory runs low in my cell phone, I know I'm in trouble.

You can only imagine how scary it is to drive with Visual Memory impairment! I have a navigator…my daughter. She is better than a GPS when it comes to giving me verbal cues. She understands the need to use few but very easily processed directions. Stop, go, right, left, yes, no…the only vocabulary required from a personal navigator. Yes, I do depend on my GPS, especially after finding myself completely lost in a few unsafe neighborhoods. My GPS doesn't see the yellow caution light up ahead or clear her throat to let me know the red light has changed to green. My GPS is great at "recalculating" directions after I've missed a turn but it doesn't say, "it's okay Mom, you can turn around and go back." My GPS requires a computerized update, my daughter does not. Besides, my daughter is always a better companion. When the GPS can't "see" the street I'm driving on I can always depend on my human navigator to assure me it's really there!

Technology is a wonderful thing. I cannot imagine my life without the help of the internet, cell phones, computers, and coffee makers! However, there are limits to what technology can do. Lending comfort or offering a friendly reminder is not within the realm of my universe. While I do not like the changes in my brain or the ways it processes information I am grateful everyday for my ever reliable human navigator and the way my challenges have enhanced our relationship.

Now if I could just remember my name…


1 comment:

devon spec said...

lol! oh girlfriend, you remember so much more and are SO much smarter than you give yourself credit for!!! how do i know this? because we've had the chance to converse. you're awesome. so what you have roadblocks, you're still an amazing woman who has pretty much overcome EVERY life obstacle life had to throw at you. (and yet you still mentor people like me!!!) and also find time to raise your family and make jewelery! come on now. give yourself more credit. ps, i wear my "lottie" pendant every day with pride.